Light My Fire

It's 9 pm on a Saturday night.  Here I am, nursing my 3 month old daughter while typing this blog.  My youngest son is perched on the back of a couch watching Goosebumps.  My middle son is in his room playing on his Playstation and my oldest is on his Nintendo.  We're all "plugged in" so to speak.  This is the first time I've sat here just relaxing. 

Less than a month ago I made a decision to move.  Some say that's pretty crazy.  Our landlord refused to fix my dishwasher that had caught on fire.  So that day I checked the paper and found the only listing for a house for rent.  It was in my price range and sounded good.  The next day I called and scheduled a visit.  We took 5 steps in and I was ready to hand over a check.  Immediately, I fell in love with a house.  I filled out the application and went home and prayed with every fiber of my being.  If you know me, you know how crazy that sounds.  And within hours we got the call.  The house was ours.  The next day I handed him over a check.  Here I sit, not even a month later, in my new living room.  And there are no ghost stories.  Only blank sheets of paper for us to fill. 

Packing, working, taking care of 4 kids and celebrating my youngest sons birthday was challenging, to say the least.  I had help with the actual moving itself but as far as packing and unpacking- I've had very little.  Each box made me stronger.  Each step was an inch closer to my dreams.  With every roadblock I got smarter.  Even though we've only lived here for 16 days I feel like I'm home. I feel like I have to keep conquering the unconquerable.  Just to prove to myself that I can do it.  I found myself again.  Last year I almost lost myself.  It's rough to admit that I was close to ending my own life.  So many things presented themselves in just such a way to respark my inner light.  For that I am so truly grateful.  You have a choice - either let the flame consume you or let the fire propel you.