"You Didn't Say 'God Bless You'"

Sushi is my favorite food.  Around my 30th birthday Ex Douchebag took me to a fabulous little sushi place and I immediately fell in love.  Up to that point it was macaroni & cheese (which still holds a very dear spot in my heart).  Not just any mac n cheese.  Had to be Kraft.  With the powdered cheese packet and a little too much milk.  Mmmmmm........ heaven.  Don't get me wrong - Alton Brown makes an immaculate mac & cheese.  I use that for things like carry ins, potlucks or when I'm in the mood to gain 57 pounds.

When you become a parent you soon realize that eating is going to be a spectator sport.  I prepare it.  I plate it.  I watch it fly in large quantities all over the table, floor, children's faces.....  Then I clean it.  Sometimes, if I am really lucky - I get to partake.  I just don't have time.  As I sit here with no kids and my pintos n cheese are getting cold on the table next to me.

Yesterday was one of those "If you can eat it and drive at the same time you'd better do it" days. There were so many things to do that I didn't have time.  The final task of the day was to pick the boys up from Vacation Bible School.  The kids are so excited to be participating in it and are very enthusiastic about telling me about what they have learned.  So last night at 11ish I decided to toss a can of tuna in a bowl (I generally do not eat animals - I make exceptions for evolutionary mishaps such as poultry.  Those things have wings they should fly if they don't want to be eaten).  To spice it up I toss in a dash of mayo, some sour cream, some oregano & basil and a scoshe of relish for color.  I plop down on the couch with my bowl, some wheat thins (the Kroger brand because I'm poor) and my little girl.  I share a few bites with Mini-me and she is satisfied with snagging a cracker.

Middle Son and Youngest Boy take this quiet time to tell me what they have learned in this evenings lesson.  They made little cross necklaces with colored beads.  Each bead color has a meaning and Middle Son is explaining each one to me.  Finally he gets to the last ones - hearts.  He proceeds to clarify that these were just ones he added just because he liked them.  At this point he is now very, very close to me.  I have my bowl resting in my hands in front of me so that I can actively listen to what he is telling me.  As the words "I Heart Jesus" are passing through his lips a sneeze is passing from his nose.  Into. My. Bowl.  I scream while watching as his spittle particles are traveling at a high rate of speed right smack dab into my dinner.  Part of me is laughing.  Part of me is ticked.  But all I can do is look at my food in horror.  And disgust.  And slight contemplation as to whether or not I am going to take another bite.  So I yell "YOU JUST 'I HEART JESUS'd" INTO MY DINNER!"

He says, with the most innocent eyes, "You didn't say 'God Bless You" so now you owe me $10."