A Little Something for the Holidays

I've been quiet, I know - Uncharacteristic of me.  Sorry, I discovered Pinterest and am now an addict.  Seems like I should get on a 12 Step Program but I'd rather create one with ribbons, bows, recycled newspapers and strategically placed snark.

I wrote this almost exactly 3 years ago and it was so funny that I had to share it again.

Sweet Tooth Saves Family of 4

Article by Anastasia Beaverhousen
Somewhere In, Ohio - A late night craving for a Peanut Butter Blossom cookie is being heralded as the hero in an early morning fire in a local duplex. Ms. Ever After mother of 3 boys, laid down on her couch to catch up on some television when she started to feel sleepy.  Knowing that she had several baskets of wet clothes that needed to dry she set her cell phone alarm to wake her at 3:15 a.m.  At approximately 2:45 a.m. Ms. Ever After decided to succumb to her sweet tooth  in lieu of taking a nap.

"I sat down and started to doze off, ya know, and then I wanted a cookie," stated Ms. Ever After.  "I got up and went to the pantry, grabbed the bag of cookies - you know, my sons and I made these cookies on Sunday and they are so good - and went back to watch Top Chef.  I'm rooting for Hosea and he won the challenge!  I've picked all the recent winners of reality shows - Project Runway and Bob on Survivor is my favorite."  That's when she states she heard something strange coming from the wall.  "That's when I heard something strange coming from the wall.  It sounded like buzzing.  You know, like on that Powder movie when he made that Jacob's Ladder flip the (explicative deleted) out!  And I thought 'What the (explicative deleted) was what?' and then I saw black smoke and I was like 'whoa'."  This is the moment where, according to the fire chief, quick thinking was the most important.

"I jumped up off the couch and check the tree lights and they were okay" she explained, "and then I realized it was coming from under the entertainment center."  It was at this point where Ms. Ever After ran to her pantry and removed the fire extinguisher that she had purchased for her estranged husband as a gag gift following an April fire in a wrestling ring.  "I don't think I even had time to read the instructions.  I just followed my instinct and sprayed."  Unfortunately, her efforts to snuff the fire would go on in vain.  As the room started to fill with smoke and fire extinguisher spray it became more and more difficult to breathe.  "My youngest boy, he's 2 you know, was asleep on the couch less that 4 feet away.  When I couldn't get the fire to stay out I grabbed him and ran to the phone."  Her two other children were asleep in bedrooms upstairs.

"I called Mike to come over since, you know, the water pump on my car is out and I had no heat and he could take the kids with him if he needed to.  Since all the holiday presents were in the garage I couldn't put the kids in there."  She then called 9-1-1 and rushed to get her children outside to safety.  A local police officer was able to halt the flow of electricity to the fire which immediately put the fire out.  Fire Department crews responded quickly and were able to determine the cause of the fire as an overloaded extension cord.  "Hell, I didn't know that there was an extension cord even back there, let alone with piggybacked adapters in it."  Not a mistake that this family will make again.

When interviewed, the fire chief explained that this is the time of year for Christmas lights to cause fires and they fully expected it to be the lights when they came in.  Had Ms. Ever After fallen asleep the results would have been disastrous.  By the time the smoke would have reached the smoke detector in the hall, it could have been too late.  An hour and a half later the family was able to safely return to their home.  "I'm so glad that I paid up my Renter's Insurance.  I'm gonna be rich!!!  This is like winning the lotto, like them guys in Piqua just did.  Only mine was a fire and not worth $207,000,000.00."  Total estimated damage came to roughly $100.  "Now maybe I can get me some new carpet from my landlord.  That'd be awesome!  Shoo Wee am I glad that I wanted that cookie!"

Everyone was able to make it out of the house safely and no one was injured. Ms. Ever After probably should have been treated for smoke inhalation but instead smoked a cigarette.  The most difficult situation that this family has to handle is cleaning up all of the soot and powder.  When we inquired about her plans for clean up Ms. Ever After had this to say "Damn, I ain't ever gonna git that (explicative deleted) out of my (explicative deleted) carpet, clothes, hair and mouth.  This (explicative deleted) sucks!"

Freedom

When I was a little girl.. around 7 or so... my biological mother met a man who would change me.  I was not just your average straight "A" student.  In the 2nd grade I was promoted to 3rd.  I was under evaluation for the gifted programs.  I had a pink bedroom.  I loved to dress up and look pretty.  E.T. lived in my closet.  Riding bikes was my favorite pastime. I loved Little House on the Prairie.  My shoes always had to match my dress.  My hair was brushed every day.  I read my Bible every night.  My "parents" made me feel like the smartest, most beautiful girl in the world.  I'd had my share of rough patches but overall - I was the smart, pretty girl that everyone loved.  And I felt worthy.

This man came along and wooed my (bio) mother.  She hadn't been with anyone since my (bio) father left when I was 3.  She was putty in his hands.  Things moved rather quickly from there.  Dates quickly became an engagement.  The warning signs were there and my parents fought with my (bio) mom.  They noticed hickies on my neck.  Bite marks.  All of a sudden I wasn't an outgoing little girl anymore.  I stopped doing my homework.  I withdrew.  He liked to hit me a lot and call me names that I didn't understand.  But he liked to kiss me too.  I didn't understand those either. 

My (bio) mother stopped letting me see my parents due to these fights.  They fought for custody.  Instead it ended with visitation every other weekend.  Then my (bio) mom just stopped picking me up.  One day during the summer of 1986 I was outside playing with my friends.  I hadn't seen (bio) mom in a long time.  Felt like ages when you are that little.  I looked up and saw her smiling face.  And I ran to her with no shoes on.  Then she ran with me.  He was in a car around the corner waiting with his green teeth and his crooked smile that made my stomach turn.  I cried but it didn't matter.  He made it very clear what would happen to me if my "wetback" mouth didn't shut up.  I cried for hours anyway.  He tied me to a chair in the living room of my mom's apartment that night.  He beat me so badly that I stopped crying.  Just so it would end.  I don't know how long I was in that chair.  My mom came home later and got me out.

Lots of days were like this.  I was able to go home a few times.  There were lots of fights.  My parents - him - my (bio) mom - him - police..... It didn't matter.  Nothing saved me.  By this time I had a baby sister, Bean.  She was beautiful.  And squirmy.  And I didn't know what to do with her but mom would have to work.  So I took care of her.  Our parents would send us toys and he'd sell them.  They would call and he'd hang up.  They'd come to see me at school but I wasn't there anymore.  Angie was left in my arms a majority of the time.  Looking back I can't remember how I did it.  There are lots of memories there.  None of which I think I can share.  But I was smart enough to try to get help.  Unfortunately, my voice wasn't heard in time.  My sisters suffered.  I suffered.

Several years later he served time in prison for what he did.  A year.  Seems rather short for stealing the innocence of 3 little girls.  The damage was done.  I shut down.  I had nightmares where he was trying to rape me again.  If I had a boyfriend I'd have flashbacks and get confused as to who was kissing me.  Killing myself seemed like the only way out.  I tried.  My parents couldn't help.  He came to our house once.  He called often.  In response I'd cut my arms.  He stole my self confidence.  He robbed me of my self esteem, my self worth.  Even now - 25 years later- the damage is still at the surface.  I still feel it.  He got his karmic repercussions quite a bit over the last few years but nothing in comparison. 

Have you ever taken a narcotic pain killer - for a toothache or some such malady - and actually felt the pain leave your body?  You know, that instant that the pain you had is gone?  That's what I felt when I read his name in the obituary section of today's paper.  I'll never get back what was taken.  But I'll sleep better knowing I no longer share oxygen with him.  He will never lay eyes on my sisters, my (bio) mom, my kids - anything again.  I may put on a pretty dress, make a nice dinner and pour a glass of wine and toast to FREEDOM.